Guilt is a selfish emotion RULE 97 Why is this a Rule of Love, you may be wondering. Well, I'll tell you. Because if you're busy feeling guilty, you're in no position to extend love properly towards other people. Let me explain. When we feel guilty, what is that feeling all about? Me, that's what it's about. Me, me, me. How do I feel, how terrible is my life, what is going on here for me? It's entirely self-centred, and seeks to take the focus away from the object of your guilt ­ the loved one you have let down in some way, or like to think you have in order to steal their attention. No, we haven't got time to worry about them, we're too busy feeling sorry for ourselves about this dreadful burden of guilt we have to carry. Well why not put it down if it's such a burden? No one is stop- ping you. It's yours to carry or put down as you wish. There's only one problem ­ if you put it down, you'll have to focus on someone else, and stop talking about yourself. Do you think you can manage that? Of course you can, you're a Rules Player. Let's be clear: the past has gone. You can't change it. If there's anything you can do to put it right, please go and do it. If there isn't, you can either accept it and learn the lessons, or you can navel-gaze and think about yourself some more, instead of the person you're feeling guilty about. Those are your options. You know which one you have to take. Of course momentary guilt is OK. You suddenly realize you failed to do something you should have done. That kind of guilt prompts you to do the thing now, or make recompense. But once you've done what you can, anything else is selfish and attention-seeking. T H E R U L E S O F LO V E 216