Chapter Eight Negotiation Negotiation is a basic life skill that we use every day in many ways. We use it in making business arrangements, family decisions, plans with friends, and commercial transactions. When we work out spe- cial arrangements about bedtimes and chores with our children, we are negotiating. When we decide which movie or restaurant we will go to with our spouse, we are negotiating. When we agree on a division of work responsibilities with our colleagues, we are also negotiating. Why is it, then, that when we think of an interaction as a negotiation it can suddenly seem tense, challenging, or tricky? Labeling an interchange as a negotiation seems to take it beyond the everyday kind of transaction we are used to and at which we are mostly competent. Suddenly we start thinking that there are going to be winners and losers, that a game is being played, and that people are out to take advantage of one another. We believe we will have to compromise on issues that are important to us, and we suddenly become concerned about how open to be about our needs and alternatives. Popular Assumptions About Negotiation Our approach to negotiation is guided by culturally based assump- tions or beliefs about negotiation, which are not necessarily grounded in the structure of the negotiation process. Let's con- sider some of these common assumptions. 211