Step Into the Other Person’s Shoes

Sun Tzu writes in his classic The Art of War that the person who knows both the enemy and himself need not fear the result of a hundred battles. The more you know about what matters to other people, the more ammunition you have for persuading them to accept your point of view. Gear your proposal to the other people’s needs and concerns, and watch them flock to your fold.

You can find out how to identify what motivates your listener in Chapter 2, and in Chapter 3 you gain tips for figuring out people’s attitudes and beliefs. Ask questions and focus on the answers you receive. Listen not only for the words others say but the way they say them too. Someone’s non-verbal behaviour – including body language and vocal qualities (see Chapters 13 and 14 – often reveals feelings and attitudes that are as much a part of her perspective as the words she speaks.