221 U Understanding and paraphrasing How often do you hear people say something like `I hear you'? You know that is a shorthand code for: `I can hear your babble, and I wish you would just shut up, but I can't say so because I need to show that I am being kind, considerate and that I understand your point of view.' They are hearing but not listening. Of course, if you really can understand the other person, see the world through their eyes, you are in a powerful position. You can start to speak a language they understand and respect, you build trust and you build cooperation. But understanding is more than saying `I hear you'. It takes effort. The best way to achieve understanding, and to show you understand, is to paraphrase. When someone says something that you think is important, paraphrase it back to them in your own words. This has several advantages: It demonstrates to the other person that you are really listening. This encourages the person to open up more. If you get it wrong, you get immediate feedback. You then find the correct message, and future misunderstanding is avoided. If you get it right, the other person will be delighted: you are building trust and the basis for cooperation. Paraphrasing forces you into active listening. You will become a much more alert, better listener. You will pick up much more information than through passive listening. Paraphrasing helps you remember what happened in the conversation much better. With passive listening the substance of any conversation is easily and quickly forgotten. Paraphrasing is simple, low cost, low effort and has a big impact. Unfair competition The competition is only unfair if it is winning. If we are winning, it is because we are smarter then them. Managers will never say they are losing because