Dealing with Relationship Breakdown 127 Listening Listening was covered in depth in Chapter 6. It is, of course, also one of the fundamentals both of being savvy and of developing effective relationships: how can you hope to foster a relation- ship with someone if you don't know what they think or feel about things? Listen carefully and patiently. Listen for feelings and emotions, as well as for facts and information. Demonstrate you've listened by summarizing and checking your understand- ing. Many people are listening but don't appear to be, because they miss out this vital element of the process. And respond to what the other person is saying. That doesn't mean you always have to agree with them but it does mean sharing your own feelings and thoughts on an issue. Empathy Empathy is the art of being able to put yourself in the shoes of another person and to understand the way they feel about things. It's about seeing their perspective and being on their side. And it's about striking up rapport. You may feel that you can't possibly empathize unless you yourself have gone through a similar experience. But that's not the case. You just need to be able to use your imagination without making what might be false assumptions. How do you do this? Well, careful question- ing is one important aspect ­ asking the other person what they think about a situation and what the solution might be, rather than imposing your own views. And, of course, the ability to listen to the response is fundamental here as well. Paying close attention to body language, pace and mood is also key. Jollying someone along and trying to share your own enthusiasm will do little to enhance the frame of mind of someone who is feeling really down. Matching their style and pace, without mimicking