TRUST: THE ULTIMATE GATEKEEPER 97 coworkers. You have a choice to make about the presence you want to convey. Extend trust or not? Invest in the relationship or keep your distance? These small interactions have a cumulative effect on your presence as a whole. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a relationship that's not working. A common one is when the supervisor-employee dy- namic has been damaged. Often, the people involved believe they have tried everything and yet the situation remains unchanged. Self- orientation--and mistrust--rises with each interaction. When you feel that you don't know what to do next and the relationship is still important to you, ask yourself: What action would I take if I knew it would be accepted and appreciated? This question will reveal the myriad options that are still available. That's because when we attempt to eliminate risk, we self-censor actions that have any chance of being rejected. But when you list all your op- tions and consider each one's actual risk, there are usually quite a few trust-building moves on the table. And sometimes you have to mind your internal compass and do what you feel is right, no matter the outcome. (Which, by the way, reduces your self-orientation big-time.) Situations Where Trust Is Hard to Come By (and Where to Find It) So far we've discussed trust in abstract terms. We all experience sit- uations where building and maintaining trust is tenuous. These are also times when we want our presence to support us, so it's important for our intentions and communications to be aligned. Focusing on strengthening trust in these tough situations not only helps you to get through them with less difficulty, but it helps you do so with grace and clarity. Coming from a place of trust is a conscious decision. In every interaction, we can choose whom we want to be, and whether we will lead through our values or tuck them away in our back pockets. In the toughest of situations, we can be distracted into thinking that a Right Way prevails over our way because that's what worked for American Management Association · www.amanet.org