21. Learn to bounce

How come some people are better at dealing with disappointment than others?

Disappointment does one of two things: it makes you ‘bouncy’ (resilient) or it makes you ‘bitter’ – and which one you end up is a more telling predictor of future happiness than ‘rich’ or ‘poor’, ‘nice’ or ‘nasty’.

Bounceability is easy in your twenties. Underneath the veneer of sophistication most twenty-somethings are teenagers at heart convinced that their life is going to be fabulous. But during our thirties, the decisions we make pretty well determine what sort of person we’re going to be, and how we decide to deal with setbacks is one of the greatest determinants.

Each of us is born, apparently, with a happiness set-point which is genetically influenced, but crucially, not fixed. However, what we learn from grumpy parents is likely to be a lot more influential than what we inherit genetically. We learn that life is fixed, that we can’t change, that we’re not in control. But that’s wrong. The thing to remember is this: your brain chemistry is not fixed. You can change it.