Influencing Conversations 111 As ethical and committed campaigners we are aiming to create an even more wonderful world than Louis Armstrong sang about. To achieve this, we have to know how to create and influ- ence conversations and that, as ever, requires a specific skill set. Conversations, like jazz, don't mean a thing if they ain't got that swing. And to get permission from others, we have to begin by ensuring that our conversations are in tune. Think of conversations as a form of music. And remember that words affect minds and bodies. Being in tune People sometimes use the phrase being in tune to describe a situation in which they feel completely at one with someone else. It is just one of the many ways we describe those times when we feel comfortable and understood, when there is a sense of close connection rather than distance and difference. As social beings we tend to place great value on this closeness. To be understood, to spend time with those we like and who seem to be like us, is fulfilling in many ways. We introduced this notion in Chapter 1 when we outlined some of the findings of Professor Robert Cialdini. We are going to develop it now by discussing: how we can create this sense of likeness deliberately during conversations by matching peoples' communication patterns; how we can apply the same skills and awareness throughout the `big picture' elements of the campaign. Matching communication patterns Individuals tend to display patterns of preference when it comes to both intraper- sonal and interpersonal communication. Our tendency towards habitual communi- cation patterns probably stems from the fact that the adoption of successful habits frees us to concentrate on what we perceive to be the more pressing and important issues at any given time. In a world filled with so much communication chatter, with so many people demanding our attention, and with so many stimuli bombarding us through every waking moment, we make rapid choices about what to ignore, what to focus on and how to remember it. We delete, distort and generalize our experiences and our communication of them even if, for the most part, we fail to realize that this is what we are doing. As individuals, families, societies, organizations and nations it is as if we have no choice within the complexity of our lives but to experience and then communicate selectively. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld reminded us of this when he said,