F When All Else Fails 201 What Are You Afraid Of? What makes these conversations so difficult before you even start them? What scares you and causes the increased pressure? Man- agers in our courses come up with lengthy lists, which include fear of making the situation worse, escalating the problem; fear of being rejected, losing the relationship, suffering retaliation; fear of being met with irrationality or emotional outbursts; fear of hurt feelings. So you may be thinking, given how much trouble this is, why bother? What if I just let it go and do nothing? Here are a few of the thoughts from the same workshop group on why not confronting is a bad idea: the problem escalates rather than being resolved, emotions build until someone blows up, I lose the re- lationship, I lose my credibility with other staff, I undermine my health and myself, I could lose my job. If I confront, I'm worried about getting an outcome I don't want. If I don't confront, I'm practically guaranteed of getting an outcome I don't want--the only difference is that the timing is slower and less predictable! In the face of this apparently balanced scale of pros and cons, some of us continue to feel that it is safer not to confront. But why do you think that is? It's because in your mind you are holding this conversation as a threat. You are experiencing it through your internal imagery and talking to yourself about it as if it is a threat. It's this perception that causes a lot of problems. Most people will delay having to deal with something they feel is a threat.The result, however, is that in the delayed time period, feelings of frustration and anger build as infractions continue and compound, while the offender remains oblivious. If you believe a conversation to resolve an issue is a threat and are preparing for it as if it were a threat, what is the most likely thing to occur internally? Fear. Anger. The creation of a self-fulfilling prophecy.You confront from a place of fear or anger American Management Association · www.amanet.org