19 Toward Being Out of the Box "I do?" I searched my memory about the sessions the day before. I was sure we hadn't talked about it. "Yes. And so did I when I was wondering how to get out," Lou said. "Huh?" At that moment I was really lost. "Think about it," Lou replied. "As I sat there regretting how I'd acted toward my wife, my son, and my coworkers, what were they to me? In that moment, was I seeing them as people or as objects?" "In that moment, they were people to you," I said, my voice trailing off in thought. "Yes. My blame, resentment, and indifference were gone. I was seeing them as they were, and I was regretting having treated them as less than that. So in that moment, where was I?" "You were out of the box," I said softly, almost as if in a trance, trying to locate what made the change possible. I was feeling a bit like a spectator at a magic show who sees the rab- bit surely enough but has no idea where it came from. "Exactly," Lou agreed. "In the moment I felt the keen desire to be out of the box for them, I was already out of the box toward them. To feel that desire for them was to be out of the box toward them. "And the same goes for you, Tom," he continued. "Think about your time last night with your family. What were they to you last night? Were you seeing them as people or as objects?" "They were people," I said, amazed by the discovery. 130