60 I NTERPERSONAL N EGOTIATIONS they are unsafe, disrespectful, and unresolved. The tendency of most people in negotiations is to avoid talking about or addressing their relationship issues and to focus instead on the external problem or topic. It feels too personal or intimidating to talk about their relationship. The result is that they get mired in the process or think they have agreement about the topic only to find out later that they don!t. Relationships Need to Be Safe When our relationships are not safe, when we are afraid of the other person or how that person might impact our lives, then we avoid that person. We either avoid addressing the issues altogether, or we address them in an overly cautious manner. This will cause us to withhold information and avoid self-disclosure. The result is that we make it difficult or impossible for the other person to understand us. They do not know what we know or what we are thinking, experiencing, or needing. They may not know that there is something wrong with our relationship. Many of the examples cited in Chapter 3 regarding self-limiting beliefs illustrate this. If we are afraid the other person will attack us, get angry, disap- prove, or talk to others, we may avoid addressing our issues effectively. If we are afraid the other person could physically harm us, affect our job, leave us, or cost us money, we may decide to avoid that person or decide to not address the important issues.