C H A P T E S elling Yourself in Negotiations R 13 The dictionary defines the verb negotiate as: "to confer with another in bargaining or trade. To hold conference and discussion with a view to reach- ing agreement on contract." Nowhere does it say that negotiation must involve argument, tantrums, hostility, animosity, or hatred. But unfortu- nately, that's the meaning management-labor disputes and acrimonious lawsuits have given the word. Yet, in truth, every time you buy a product, you've negotiated, you've reached agreement on a contract. The dealer put a price tag on his prod- uct and you decided to buy it or not. There may be some room for further negotiations over price, terms, time of delivery, and so forth, but in the end you either buy the product or you don't. So ends every negotiation. A decision is made. If it's a good deal for both parties, the negotiation ends successfully. If it isn't a good deal, it doesn't. That's the perfect negotia- tion. It begins, it ends, and everyone is satisfied that the right decision has been made. But there are very few opportunities for perfect negotiations left. In most of our everyday transactions, the terms are set with no room for ne- gotiation. And when there is negotiating room, the situation is often turned into a confrontation. We've already seen that in such adversarial situations, if only one per- son wins, both lose. In contract talks, in family arguments, in all imperfect 201